


Sexual EduCATion

by Katieykat513



Series: Crack Too Strong [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Banana Noir, Crack, Food Porn, Oops I Cracked Again, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29678349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katieykat513/pseuds/Katieykat513
Summary: Banana Noir stumbles upon a place he should not have been...oh well, time to make the most of it!
Series: Crack Too Strong [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178159
Comments: 32
Kudos: 35





	Sexual EduCATion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Calcria_Mars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calcria_Mars/gifts).



> Well here I go cracking again! I should really stay out of Fanworks!
> 
> THIS IS NOT REAL SEX EDUCATION, PLEASE JUST DON'T!!!

Banana Noir stood in front of a camera, his dead stare smile betraying the nervousness of the boy within. Somehow he had found his way onto this set with everyone calling him Mr. Banana. He glanced around looking for a way to escape when someone got in his face. 

“Alright, so you know your lines. Just tell the audience about sex education and we can get the heck out of here. I can’t tell you enough how creepy I find this costume's face.” The woman did a once over for lint and walked away. 

Sex. He had to tell an audience about sex. Well, that was easier said than done. Considering he had never actually had sex yet. He thought for a second, realizing that he could make this work. He had read enough online. He knew how sex worked. A thrill went through his body as he realized what else he could do and he was saddened by the fact no one could see his impish grin. 

“Ok live in five-” The director started to count down. 

He hopped from foot to foot, loosening up, “Alright Adrien, you can do this!” he said to himself. 

The director pointed at him and he finger gunned at the camera.

“Howdy all you delicious people! Mr. Banana here! Local celebrity and devilishly handsome fruit of mystery to talk to you about something amazing! Sex!” he spread his arms out and jazzed hands. “Now some of you may be thinking, ‘but Mr. Banana, isn’t that how you get a baby?’ Well you would be correct! But it’s not all about that!” 

He started pacing back and forth waving his hands animatedly. The workers on set all dropped their jaws, as this was not the script.

“Sometimes guys just want to take their banana and stick it into a girl’s delicious mango, and rub it back and forth! You have to get it wet and juicy so the smoothie made with it won’t be as bitter! There will be whipped cream on the banana when you’re done, but that’s normal!” He formed a hole with one hand and stuck his opposite finger in and out to demonstrate. 

The director made no move to stop him so he kept going. 

“Now some guys like to touch their bananas to other bananas and that’s ok! You just have to take them and rub them together gently so that they don’t break off at the halfway point!” He took his index fingers and rubbed them together.

A gasp was heard from a stage tech.

“Oh I almost forgot about peaches! Oh and chocolate! Some guys like to take their banana and dip them into chocolate! It’s good right after putting the banana in the peach! Peaches are so plump and round, and inside them there is a little seed that you rub and get juice from!”

He put his hand to his deranged smile and snapped his fingers. 

“Oh yeah! Lets not forget about size! Some have bananas while others have plantains! Sometimes the bananas can be really small, and that’s ok! Everyone is different! Most of the time, the smaller ones taste sweeter!”

He clapped his hands together, laced his fingers together, and finger gunned the camera, “Now sometimes, we want the banana to be clean so we can use it in more than one smoothie. That’s easy to remember, just take the produce bag and place it directly over the banana or plantain and proceed with the same technique as before!”

He bounced and spun around, placing his hands on his chest, fingers spread, “And the melons! Don’t forget to add in the melons! Sometimes there are cantaloupes!” he held his hands over his chest to about the size of cantaloupes. “And some are watermelons! You have to pay extra close attention to adding them to the smoothie because they can really make the smoothie nice and juicy!” 

There was some movement off stage as Adrien noticed a few security guards getting closer. He needed to dip out, and fast. 

“So, just remember! Be safe! Have fun! And stay peachy mother fuckers!” 

With the last word, he dashed off stage, leaping over one guard and running out the door as fast as he could. 

“I am never wearing this suit again!” he said as Plagg cackled at him. 


End file.
